The Illusion of Control

Mary McCorvey
Nov 5, 2025
2 min read

Originally published on Mary McCorvey's Substack.

Here’s the thing I had to learn along the way: I can build an immaculate plan and still get surprised. Sometimes wildly. I used to take that as failure; now I take it as an invitation.

A few years ago, just six weeks before air, a major broadcast network pulled a show my team and I had poured our hearts (and our sponsors’ dollars) into. It takes many months to schedule a show.

In the middle of Manhattan with a cast and production crew fully unaware, I watched a door slam that I could not pry back open. I felt the percussion when it happened, but I also processed the necessary actions: breathe, get honest about what’s real, and respond from your values. We stabilized what we could, told the truth, and kept moving.

The core of it

Control is a comforting myth until life taps us on the shoulder and says, “Not yours.” That day on set taught me that response is where the real authority lives. Not forcing outcomes—meeting reality with presence, the courage one can muster, and the next right move.

That’s the muscle I keep training. When I feel my shoulders rise and my jaw clench, I ask, “What’s mine to steward, and what belongs to the universe and time?” I write down what I can influence—my tone, my choices, my integrity—and release what I can’t. Then I take one good step. And then another. This isn’t some heroic reaction; far from it. The cold slice of fear is there every time.

I try for precision. Choosing values over panic. Choosing clarity over noise. When I do, the day rearranges itself. The phone call lands. The idea arrives. And even if the outcome is still uncertain, I’m not.

In the end, we found another network, just in the nick of time. All was fine, as it most often is.

Eheye’s snippet

“We don’t make plans because we’re in control. We make them because we know we’re not.”

A gentle prompt for you

Name one situation this week that’s tempting you to grip tighter. Now, list two things you can actually influence in it—and two things you can bless and release. If you practiced response over reaction for 24 hours, what would change first: your circumstances, or your peace?

How I’m holding this now

On the podcast, I’m leaving more room for guests to finish their thought before I jump in; wonder tends to walk through the space we give it. In my work, I’m setting “value guardrails” instead of rigid outcomes—integrity, kindness, excellence. Those I can keep, even when plans shift. And in my faith, I’m remembering that surrender isn’t giving up; it’s giving back what was never mine to control in the first place.

A small invitation

If this moment speaks to you, the book goes even deeper. Get your copy of Experience Over Expectation and join me in choosing presence over performance.